Friends ask me “why are you going back to college?” I can only think of one answer but I don’t
have an answer beyond that, “because I have to, if I don’t I will shrivel up
and die inside” sounds drastic right? Well it kind of is. I couldn‘t answer a
year ago when I started but I think I have the reason now. I lost it. That
passion that fills your night dreams and your motivation for sticking out one
more time thru the yucky stuff. The kind that makes you smile and say almost
there. I had a passion for teaching when I first started my homeschool. I had a
passion for sharing what I learned with the little minds around me. I wasn’t
“excited” to do it I was driven to do it. I wanted to be there when they
figured out that idea that had plagued them and they couldn’t piece it
altogether quite yet. But then they got a glimpse, and oh what a thrill! We as
adults forget what it is to discover something new and then you realize you are
part of the elite, the ones who know about this. I wanted to do that for the
ones I had been given. My kids, my prodigies. Then life creeps up on you and
wham, you are I the middle of a messy life.
Too many responsibilities and not enough experience getting it right means I felt like I was in over my head. I wasn’t sure I wanted to turn into one of those moms that have it altogether except their relationships with their kids. You know that mom that says, “Yes dear, uh-huh” when they have no clue that their child just shared a piece of their dream and wanted to know mom cared. But instead, mom was thinking of all the things wrong with the house and meals and what chapter to study next Fall. I may sound cliché ish but unfortunately that is where I was and I couldn’t help it. I wanted to be the one that taught them something new and all I could do was go from hyper-cleaning mode to I can’t think anymore and veg out on my own thing whether it was book binge, Facebook binge or just hang outside mowing and messing with flowers. But whenever I came back to reality it was apparent I did not have it altogether. Now I use altogether a lot if you haven’t noticed and I think that was part of my problem. But the other part was, “I was dry”. The kind that when someone asks you if you know how to get to so-and-so and you do, but you come up with this blank stare as if you have never been there? I had been there once before, but I have lost the mind cohesiveness to retain it. I needed some more input than what I was getting. Information, yeah, but much more than that I needed like mindedness with someone who was passionate about learning. About discovering something for the very first time. Friends say to me, “Wow math at your age? Even College Algebra? But I am not a math person, so I could never do that.” I must confess that my mind-set has always been the same. I have never felt confident with math even though I have some pretty math-minded kids. Truthfully, I have learned that math is not a subject. It is a tool. Much like people might say that driving a car is a tool. You can be really great at it and join the NASCAR team, but most people use it to get from one place to another. It is a wonderful tool that opens up the brains ability to function in many other areas. I had not viewed it that way “before”. Before I succeeded at high school algebra again in college, before I succeeded to learn about functions and matrices in College Algebra. You see, I have a different understanding that I can learn and I am excited about using it to find out about n things. Chemistry for example was never open to me. After I took a chemistry class and learned the concepts, rather poorly so I am repeating it again. I am very excited to teach this to my students whether they are excited or not. I have to confess that I now understand those people that just cannot stop talking about what they love. I want to be there too.
Too many responsibilities and not enough experience getting it right means I felt like I was in over my head. I wasn’t sure I wanted to turn into one of those moms that have it altogether except their relationships with their kids. You know that mom that says, “Yes dear, uh-huh” when they have no clue that their child just shared a piece of their dream and wanted to know mom cared. But instead, mom was thinking of all the things wrong with the house and meals and what chapter to study next Fall. I may sound cliché ish but unfortunately that is where I was and I couldn’t help it. I wanted to be the one that taught them something new and all I could do was go from hyper-cleaning mode to I can’t think anymore and veg out on my own thing whether it was book binge, Facebook binge or just hang outside mowing and messing with flowers. But whenever I came back to reality it was apparent I did not have it altogether. Now I use altogether a lot if you haven’t noticed and I think that was part of my problem. But the other part was, “I was dry”. The kind that when someone asks you if you know how to get to so-and-so and you do, but you come up with this blank stare as if you have never been there? I had been there once before, but I have lost the mind cohesiveness to retain it. I needed some more input than what I was getting. Information, yeah, but much more than that I needed like mindedness with someone who was passionate about learning. About discovering something for the very first time. Friends say to me, “Wow math at your age? Even College Algebra? But I am not a math person, so I could never do that.” I must confess that my mind-set has always been the same. I have never felt confident with math even though I have some pretty math-minded kids. Truthfully, I have learned that math is not a subject. It is a tool. Much like people might say that driving a car is a tool. You can be really great at it and join the NASCAR team, but most people use it to get from one place to another. It is a wonderful tool that opens up the brains ability to function in many other areas. I had not viewed it that way “before”. Before I succeeded at high school algebra again in college, before I succeeded to learn about functions and matrices in College Algebra. You see, I have a different understanding that I can learn and I am excited about using it to find out about n things. Chemistry for example was never open to me. After I took a chemistry class and learned the concepts, rather poorly so I am repeating it again. I am very excited to teach this to my students whether they are excited or not. I have to confess that I now understand those people that just cannot stop talking about what they love. I want to be there too.
