Monday, January 25, 2016

Fun for those of us wishing summer were here already


"Summer Nights"
That phrase evokes a different stirring in everyone who hears it. For me is meant staying outside til 9:30 or 10:00 each night. What began as a shared memory of my Dad's childhood continued as a nightly summer ritual.


 
The counting has begun and we must all flee to the boundaries agreed upon - 1 block radius and no crossing the street. A always started in the alley beyond the enemy lines and picked my favorite bush. Breathing in the pungent smell of pine and grit, I crouched beneath the branches. Hearing my own heart beating way too fast and feeling my breath coming short and quick. I check my left, then my right, only to see another comrade wave me over. "All clear" he whispers. We both crouched slowly into position, our shoes crunching way too loudly in the alleyway gravel.Waiting, we listened intently. Suddenly the noise was there above, in the air, for all of us to hear. The surprised screech, laughter and winded explanations of their foiled plans as they were tagged unsuccessfully sneaking into base.
Darn! Another set of eyes to watch the dim shadows we were making. Maybe we could slither around the adjoining house, doing our best to blend in with the quickening shadows. If we could just make it around the picket fence we would be in perfect camouflage- stripes. I waved to my comrade releasing him to his own schemes.
Rounding the neighbors house at speeds that defy detection, I made it to the backside of the house, coming to a quick halt as I came into range of view. I was exposed again and adeptly leapt from the tree shadow to tree shadow. There were several large oaks lining this side of the house. So, you had to be careful not only for the myriads of pointy dry leaves, but also the crunching fruit beneath you. Hulls deprived of their contents that were long since deposited by our furry neighbors. Noise was the enemy's fiercest weapon and with a second set of ears as well as eyes, I had to be extra cautious. Though usually barefoot this time of year, I gratefully grabbed my worn out sandals this time. I was anticipating the Holly bushes this time. Hugging those massive, and mossy oak sentries gave me time to evaluate my situation. Were there any daredevils out there I could make out in the hazy dusk of a newborn moonlight? Maybe one who would sacrifice himself so we could rush from behind and liberate the weaker brothers. None yet.
Communication among the shadows was risky and if they were caught would they expose your shadowed sanctuary? Now, too much time had passed and the enemy was getting more desperate. Willing to risk his post to catch those lurking just inside the safe zone beyond the lights rays from the porch. I turned my head, scoping out the blackness for any coded signals when-
"ploink-ka-ra-ta-tat-tat-tat"
The loud sound singing through night with a victorious chant as the can sailed high in the air and came down with a rattle and roll pealing it message down the sidewalk. That exonerating call beckoned us all from our bunkers as we made our way to the porch. Roundabout, of course, so we didn't give away our coveted hiding spots.
We were all neighbors and friends once again in the light chatting and laughing. Soon we all conferred which of us would be able to stay for another game of "kick the can"
 
written Feb 8,2012 for a writing class by Laura Yoder

A post I wrote years ago but wanted to share

The title is shame.
When I was asked what shame feels like, I wrote this. I didn't finish it at the time because I was so overwhelmed by the feelings it brought back as I was writing. My finishing happened a few months ago and only with a climb from the depths am I willing to share it now.

Everyone experiences different things in life, but most all have had an experience with shame. I wanted to share this so if you are stuck in it, you can be pulled from the depth as I was and am now able to embrace as a part of me, but only in where it brought me, finally up and in the light.

"Where, except in uncreated light, can the darkness be drowned?"
C.S. Lewis


Shame

Its a master you cannot run or hide from
He knows where you are weak and trembling inside
He whispers like an icy chill before a Nor'easter
His fingernails grip at every piece of your spine  and shake you til your
jelly inside your gut, in your ears and throat
Shame you cannot share
He is a dark loathsome shadow that covers you whether you are in the sunshine or rain

I go to the park and swing
my thoughts are swinging swaying with me
The presents I got for my birthday, that pretty little doll
that dollhouse I am going to build her
She will be safe and happy
A dark ominous feeling overtakes my bubbles of thought and pours them
with black oil seeping into every crack and crevice
Why can't I be safe?
Why can't I have someone to care for me?
Why must I bear this shame alone?
There is no face you can put on shame.
No blame
No person to hate because of it.
You must carry this
Everyone sees you they know, they know
The little whispers are them talking about you, they know
I cannot bear this pain anymore
it brings me to my knees like a vice crushing my chest to the ground
My head is so heavy I must succumb to the weight
I lie down
but still I must go farther down, farther down
Lord! Help me!
Please Lord take this shame from me!


There is light
I see it feel it sweet breathe at my ear
sweet light that diffuses reality
its effervescent powers seem to dull my senses with a bubbling
dulls my senses, the edge is gone
in their place a soothing raw
Like a balm, oil on a wound
I had often heard people say that
but it has no meaning until you feel it
until you "know" it
Now the light is mine
The One who brings it knows my name

He calls to me, lifting my head
My head, it is no longer pressed down
pressing down no more
It is floating and full
It is no longer taking me farther down
Now my head is a friend
it feels like a comfort, a refreshing companion
I wait and see if it is all an illusion
Is this true?
I want to trust
I want it to simply be real
so strongly that I ...
but fear
Then I her it again.
My name is there
Not spoken on the wind, but like a warmth from the fire
and how it seeps into your skin first,
then the delicious warmth seems to fill your blood
your sinews with strength and peace
My name is the fire, it fills me with a something
What is that? Do I know it?
I have longed for this something
longed for it so long I know it
It fills me to the core
All the way farther down, deep into my sinews and joints first
Down to my cells and radiates out slowly
Building intensity while it flushes me through
My name being called, calls my joints by name
Down to places I only heard of in science books and further in
Into my memories and thoughts
into my fears
It wraps around my whispered terrors
It soothes them, nurtures them
Loves them
Yes, that is the unspoken

Love

I have been loved
My name has been called in love
The light of the hope has come to Me
He has
called
filled
soothed

Jesus has loved
Me